Before reading this, please read my disclaimer.
You know what? It's hard having a crush. Really hard. Well, I guess it is if you're shy and have a low self esteem like I do in real life. (But on the computer, I'm okay because I go by a pseudonym that I can always change.)
Any ways, it is hard. Especially if the person you have a crush on is someone you see everyday. You blush or coward when you see them. You want to blurt out loud "HEY! I REALLY LIKE YOU!!!!!!" or something of that nature. Yet at the same time you fear that they don't like you and you feel you'll die if you said it.
What can be really embarrassing is if you tell someone and they go around and tell your crush. This has happen to me before. I had a crush on this kid that sat next to me in school. The kid was in my neighborhood visiting his best friend. Well, all my girlfriends had to blab it to him. I acted as if nothing was wrong but I wanted to die! To make matters worse, he was at the local fair later that night the same time I was. I was on a kiddy ride with my brother and sister who were very young. My mother told me he said hi as I was on the ride. I guess I couldn't wait for 6th grade to finish.
That's not been my only crush. Oh no! I had a crush when I was in about 9th grade on this guy who was a major flirt around me. It didn't last long--I moved to a new town in a new state. Then in 10th grade (and it lasted past high school), I developed a crush on some kid I didn't know all too well that was in my history class (twice in high school!) I can't believe I'm admitting this but I should get it out and express it. I can't keep it bottled up any longer.
For all I know maybe somebody has had a crush on me. Maybe I didn't or wouldn't notice. But I'll never know. I just know crushes are hard. I have found the perfect song to express at least my feelings on a crush. "My Confession" by Richard Marx. I don't really have a crush right now but after hearing that song, I finally found my feelings in words. Glad to know others have felt or feel that way too. Another song that express how I once felt is "Too Shy To Shy" by Stevie Wonder (I have a version performed by Richard Marx). This song is before my time but it hits those feeling right on the nail.
Right now, I am single just like always. (guys---if you want to e-mail asking if I can be your cyber-girlfriend, don't bother, please!) I keep in mind this never heard yet printed lyric of "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" that is performed by Celine Dion.
"I know that out there somewhere
He waits for me
Someone who's searching just like me"
In fact, this whole song is something I remember every time I get into an upset mood about not having anyone. If you feel this way, remember that you're not alone & one time or another I felt the same.
12/21/03 - Writer's note:
I've have this page up since May 1998 and you wouldn't believe all the complements I've received about it. I wrote this when I was a 18/19-year-old fresh out of high school teenager still pining for her high school crush. Since then, I have grown up in many ways and this is just a joke for me now. 
I just want to update people that no, I haven't found Mr. Right yet but hey, there is time! I am *happy* with the person I am, most days at least. Life is short, but I still have time to be myself. If I find someone, I'll post it in my blog.
