When I buy a DVD to watch, everytime I put it in the player, I do not want to be forced to watch 10 minutes of previews for other DVDs. I just want to watch the movie. Seeing ads for Tommy Boy, a collection of John Wayne film, the Billy Bob Thorton version of Bad News Bears, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off when I want to watch Airplane! was annoying.

I had a bad day. But, I also had a good day. I hung out with Joey after it being nearly a month since I last saw him. Joey's the big brother I never had. He's an ear that can tell me things from his experience. He can see things in a light other people can't see. He knows what I'm going through because odds are, he's been there, too. He gets me in a way no one has gotten me. We talked. I heard things I needed to hear, whether or not I wanted to hear. And yes, they hurt to hear, but at the moment, I'm glad I heard them. As a result, I do feel better. Hopefully, today is the day I start to get out of my depression.

I wasn't planning on being around him today. He was the one that called me and told me to get up and get out. I was going to get up anyways, but his phone call just made me move faster. We met out at Armstrong. He had some ACM business to attend to. I worked on my résumé. Finally, he called me to walk with him as he hung flyers. He got them up, and then we went to his house for a quick stop. At his house, I just talked to him a bit, as well as showing him a few things I wrote in my notebook. I know I've worried him with my depression. Then, we went to lunch downtown, as well as checked up on his mom, who was doing some research at the historical society.

Our only regret about the downtown trip is I didn't have my camera in my car. He assumed I had it. I didn't bother to ask to drop by my house because I didn't think he'd want to take pictures. And yet, both of us, in the end, wanted to take pictures. Photography is something we both like. I'm a lot more devoted to it than he is, but last semester, I never minded him using my camera. He enjoyed it. So, we missed out doing on something we both liked.

After our excursion downtown, I asked to stop by Best Buy. I picked up Airplane!. It was only $5.34 for it on DVD. I got a good deal. I had been wanting to see it since I saw The High and the Mighty. It was always one of my favorite movies as a child. I would have watched the movie with Joey had his new DVD player emitted sound into the surround sound system at his place. C'est la vie. It was his suggestion to watch it after he found out it how much it was going to cost me. But, I'm watching it how I originally planned to watch it - at home. And, he did something that embarrassed me, yet at the same time, impressed me. He knows my sisters work at the store. So, he asked me which one was working. I really didn't know if either one was on duty. I saw Beth was working returns today. I told Joey she was on duty and where she was at. He got in line and teased her. Even if it had been Nicki, and not Beth, he still would have teased my sister. He had only ever met Beth at my graduation. Finally, he saw she wasn't all there as she spoke to us. The girl had been up since 4 this morning. He told her to get some sleep and to skip going to the gym.

I was impressed that he didn't know her, and yet showed concern for her. He did the same for me a few weeks after we met. We barely knew each other, but he saw I was upset. He stopped to talk to me and to see if there was anything he could do for me. There was nothing he could have done, but that little act of compassion stuck on in my mind. In the many months since that day in 2006 we met, we've become good friends. But, even today, I still recall that one act of compassion and knew on that day he was someone special. I'm glad God brought him into my life.

Well, I am alive. And I am working on my depression. I will get over this. Things will be better. Now, to watch my movie.

[♪ Listening to: "Black Balloon" - Goo Goo Dolls]

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Kidney--beans? Lima Beans? Pinto beans? Which legumes do you like to cook with? Hmmm... A hot pot of chili sounds good this week! When I make Pasta e Fagioli, I cook with kidney beans and white navy beans. I'm not a big bean eater, except when it's in Pasta e Fagioli and and chili.

Twosome: Stones?-- Monoliths? Pebbles? Do you use any of these in decorating? Heck, we'll even count marbles in vases! Nope. But many years ago at my bankruptcy job, I did have a plant that only needed water. In the plant bowl were a bunch of pebbles in it. That's as close as I have been to using pebbles in decorating. I miss that plant. It did me good to have it. When I got bored, I would prune it. It was a healthy looking plant

Threesome: and herbal remedies-- Hey, there's a good one: do you have any herbal remedies for us to try? Anything? I'm betting this bunch will have a trick or two to work with! Not really.

[♪ Listening to: "Big Mistake" - Peter Cetera]

"That taste bad!"
Uploaded by peachy92.

Last night, Nicki came to me and cried. Seems she watched a show about a person with a neurological disorder. The person in the show ended up dying. The scene Nicki broke down at was a follow up where the person's friend still had the deceased's phone number in his call phone. The friend called the number, only to get the operator to say the number was no longer in service. Nicki could relate to it by occasionally e-mailing my mother, knowing my mother won't answer the e-mail. I told Nicki I understand it quite to well.

I really think my depression all centers around my mother not being around. Life hurts. I knew I would get over the having my world collapse with the end of college, not having a job, and the prospect of not seeing the people from school anymore. I knew it would hurt. I just didn't know how much it hurt until it got here. And what really makes it all painful is that I don't have my mother around to talk to. I've been e-mailing friends about my problems and talked to others, but they don't understand how I really feel. Even if they claim the do. Now, I know my mother would be in the same boat as them, really unable of helping, but something about words coming from her and not them would do something for me. A mother's love is something you just can't replace. A mother's love is like a magic remedy. I feel I could use it right now in my life.

I posted this on my MySpace blog, but I don't think I posted it here. And if I did, I don't mind repeating it. My mother always had a belief. It's one that as an IT student, I know was impossible. She had a belief that the blank e-mails with no e-mail address and no message were not spam. She felt they were e-mails from the Great Beyond. In her case, they were from her mother. In the past 2 weeks, I got several blank e-mails. Everytime I saw them, I took them out of my spam box. I replied to one that simply told my mother I loved her, too. I like to think her belief is true. I didn't tell Nicki this.

And to top this all off, today would have been my parents 32^nd wedding anniversary. I know my father isn't going to be in his best mood today. I don't blame him. How do you get over losing the love of your life?

Yesterday, I forced myself to get up and dressed. I gassed up my car and drove, by myself , to Jacksonville to explore the Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens. I went there to focus on my photography hobby. I took plenty of pictures, which are up in a Flickr Set. I was sort of disappointed in the zoo. I would have thought it was better. The Australia section was pitiful. The koalas were sent back to San Diego. The wallabies looks sad. I did enjoy the Jaguars. This girl here was the funniest of them all. I love the expression on her face.

However, I was sad, too. It's depressing to see couples and families there. I just keep wondering when will that be me? When will I get to walk with my hand in another's hand? When can I go around with a young little girl and explain the world to her? I've always thought my first kid would be a little girl. I even have a named picked out. The only way I'll change that name is the spelling. My attempt to cheer up sort of backfired on me.

I don't mean to come across as depressed. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I wish I had the nerves in me to move on and become happy again. One day, they'll come. Until, I just have to grieve. And now to write in my notebook. I have things I need to get off my chest that I can't write here.

[♪ Listening to: "Nothing Left Behind Us" - Richard Marx]

I think it's rude and selfish on the part of the singer. Love shouldn't be about credit and getting the dream house in the suburbs. Love is about loving the person for who he or she is. Sadly, many people these days are all about the good times, and won't stick by for the bad times. This ad reenforces today's belief that we should all bolt when things get bad. He even says if he knew her credit was bad, he wouldn't love her. Being that I used to work in the credit industry, I get a little angry at those that hate people for having bad credit.

And this ad reminds me of a Carole King song, "Where You Lead." I like that song. I like it very much. It's how I plan to love my future husband, whoever he may be. I don't care if he's rich. I don't care what his credit rating is. I don't if he wants to live in the city or the country. All that matters to me is he loves me for who I am and only wants what best for me. As long as he needs me, I will be there. I will not give up on him.

[♪ Listening to: "One Headlight" - The Wallflowers]