World Falling Down

That when you lose the magic
Suddenly your world comes falling down
All around you
And though it seems so tragic
Even when theres no one else around
You hear the sound
Of another world falling down

I always knew that Peter Cetera's World Falling Down album was written and recorded the same time that his marriage was ending. I wish I had this CD 2 years ago. The quoted part is the chorus to the title track. The song sounds upbeat, but the subject matter is about life collapsing in on you. The music and lyrics together, to me, convey hope amiss sadness. Yes, life may be the worst it will be at the moment, but hope will get you through. I could have used this song when my world fell down on me about 2 years ago. I could have used the whole CD. It's all about accepting loss and moving on. Actually, the both albums I got the other day are good. However, in the whole, World Falling Down is much better than Solitude/Solitaire.

When I got home from school today, I stopped and spoke with my dad. I just discussed with him my day and my feelings. He mentioned in our conversation about the changes and growth I have made in the past 2 years. He noted that I accepted loss and instead of letting it take over and be my life, I didn't stop my life. I kept going on.

I had a good day today. Charlie and Joey said stuff I needed to hear. Charlie gave me praise on the work I've done so far for my senior project. Joey reminded me that I'm producing a web application that's expected to be a prototype. I need to hear those words. Lindsey provided the ear I needed to get some things off my chest that I haven't been able to express to a friend. She also said a few things that made me laugh and feel better. These things also made me realize that I'm on the right track for my life.

Worlds may fall down, but they can also be rebuilt.

[♪ Listening to: "Even A Fool Can See" - Peter Cetera]

Financial Aid is a Joke.

I've got a pressing financial situation at the moment. I have a huge electric bill that needs to be paid. Financial aid checks are to be sent out next week. So my main concern is that my electricity won't be cut off between now and the time I can pay it off (For the record, I have been paying on it, just not the full amount).

My deal is I need to know how much financial aid I'm getting. At the moment, I don't know, short of a Pell Grant and my CSEMS scholarship. I need to know am I getting the SMART Grant again and/or a student loan on top of the known moneys. Not too much to ask, really.

At Armstrong Atlantic, it is.

You can log into your student record via an online interface. You can check out your grades, financial aid, and correct your personal information. It's handy, but with financial aid, it isn't. The financial aid page will only tell you that your getting a Pell Grant and/or a student loan. Doesn't help me in my quest to confirm my moneys.

So, I go to Financial Aid and wait in line. When I finally get to talking to a lady behind the counter, she tells I'll need to talk to a financial aid councilor to determine all my award money. They are available Monday through Thursday. Today is Friday. I swear that this school is lazy. Everything is closed on Fridays. Not everyone works a work week like the administration on this campus.

And as I'm writing this, I'm suffering from what could be déjà vu. It's not. I've complained about Financial Aid before.

[♪ Listening to: "Alive Again" - Chicago]

"Hail to the Queen of the Masquerade Ball"

Okay, the CDs I got yesterday have at least been listen to twice since I've gotten them. At the moment, I'm identifying with "Queen Of The Masquerade Ball" and "Solitude/Solitaire."

I was annoyed by this one student in Meteorology class. It's a class, not a revival. She talked too loud in class. She made so much noise eating and "YES!"ing, it was annoying. I couldn't hear the professor over her noise.

I'm just feelings stressed. Tomorrow will be better, when I'm not so stressed and have time to work on my Senior Project. At least my Digital Photography homework is done.

Thursday Threesome - Calculators may not be Used:

Onesome: Calculators-- and such: are you good with numbers? Do you have a calculator built in? ...or does the presence of a second column demand some help from something electronic? The older I get, the dumber I feel. I can do the basics without a calculator, but I might require a pen and paper.

Twosome: may not be-- where you left them. Hmmm... What have you misplaced lately? You know: the item you are flat positive you left in one spot but somehow mysteriously migrated to another! My sanity. It will return on December 8^th.

Threesome: Used-- cars? When you buy, do you buy new? ...or do you go for those with a few thousand miles on them? We usually go for program vehicles. Those are used cars that were used specifically for rentals or car dealer usage. They're within a few months to a couple of years old when we get them. They have nice features, and they lack the new sticker price!

[♪ Listening to: "Glory Of Love" - Peter Cetera]

"Lying Here Thinking Of A Place To Hide / I've Got To Get Away"

Ever seen The Simpsons episode "Lisa's Rival"? I'm feeling like Lisa in that episode at the moment. I have no reason to feel that way. I'm 28-years-old. I should not be playing these games. I guess my fear is not getting the Outstanding IT student award next spring. I really want that award. I don't want to bust my ass in college and lose it to someone that had it a bit easier than me and didn't do as much stuff in and out of class like I have. Lindsey did tell me something today that made me feel better in this regard. And this inadequate feeling left me to think of something else. Do I just intimidate guys? I got to thinking that none of the guys in at school have ever asked me on date. Am I just too much one of the guys? Or, am I just someone that seems so sure of herself that she seems out of reach? I don't know what to think. Just once, I'd like a decent guy to ask me out on a date. Well, the few minutes I was around Joey today, he must have sensed I wasn't too happy. He asked me if something was wrong. I blamed it on female jealousy problems and left it at that.

I'm also stressed out about all the assignments for school. I do feel a bit better about my senior project. I think I can throw it together as needed. I worked on it some today. I don't know how much I can get done tomorrow, but Friday, I don't have class, so that day will be devoted to working on it. I did set up my Vista computer to allow me to work on it, instead of lugging out the Linux box. A few things I coded on the Linux box aren't working on this Vista box. That make no sense. It should work on this computer as well. I don't know why it's not working. I'll worry about that thing later.

I got my first assignments this week. 2 were assigned for E-Commerce. I have until the 27^th of next month for one. The other in E-Commerce is a group presentation. Charles told me he wanted to work with me for any project in that class. With Charles comes Mike. Those guys are fine. These guys are pals with Derrick, who's in my Golf class. So that makes a foursome. Aaron, another guy in the IT program, wants to work with us, so we have our group pretty much decided for the rest of the semester, and the 5 of us are working on the presentation together. My other assignment is a camera comparison for Digital Photography that's due Monday.

My problem is I just have to get back into the groove of it all. Working a bit here and there on everything makes me feel better.

I ended up getting 2 CD's today, both by Peter Cetera: Solitude/Solitaire and World Falling Down. As I type this, the title track of the latter is on. They both capture the sound of the era they were released. I got these 2 because they each have songs I'm familiar with, like "Restless Heart" and "The Glory of Love." You can't even download "The Glory of Love" on iTunes. When I get my financial aid, I plan on getting the Chicago albums, starting with The Chicago Transit Authority.

[♪ Listening to: "Where There's No Tomorrow" - Peter Cetera]

I Woke Up…

Thinking of a guy I knew 14 years ago. For those that don't know the story, there was this kid named Ryan I knew my last 6 months at Ft. Bragg. He was the son of my sisters' dance teacher. Ryan was 4 days older than me. The first time I met him was a summer day in 1993. I was with my mother as my sisters had to dance. I needed to get out of the house that night. I was super shy and a homebody at that age. And with my grandmother not being in the best of health, when my mother went off, I stayed behind. Well, this night, my mother decided to take me to give me a change of pace.

That night was fun. I had taken my Walkman, our Game Boy, and a few magazines to keep myself entertained that night. I didn't really know anyone in that world. Along with my sister, our neighbor Vanessa was a dancer. So, we all went to the home studio that night. While Beth was dancing, Nicki and Vanessa went out and socialized with Ryan and his sister, Melissa. I spoke to them briefly, before retreating to my own world. Well, Ryan, I take, would have none of that. He came back into the house and sat down next to me. Did I tell you he was as cute as could be? All the girls in the studio that were old enough to admire boys loved him. Well, Ryan gave me a piece of gum that had been given to him by Nicki. Nasty gum! Ryan laughed at my reaction for the gum. The rest of that night was spent spending time with him, his sister, my sister, and my neighbor as his mother and my mother talked. We talked about, joked around. At one point, my duffle bag of stuff disappeared. I'm freaking out because it had my Richard Marx tapes. Ryan came clean and said he hid it. He claimed he thought it was Nicki's bag. Nicki admitted he knew it was my bag and not hers. He had known her long enough to know it wasn't hers.

That night and the rest of the summer, and the one time I saw him in 1994 were special for me. He was the first guy that treated me like I was something special. He liked me for me. He liked flirting with me. He accepted me as the Richard Marx loving geek I was. We watched baseball and played video games. I know someone once said I was something for getting a coveted invite into his bedroom. He was upset I didn't come to the soccer game between our schools in 9^th grade. I would have gone to see him had I not been sick. In a way, we were equals. Sure, we were 14/15 at the time. We had the whole rest of our lives in front of us. Things weren't meant to be. But that summer, I was something. I was never his girlfriend, but I was something.

I know why I was thinking of him. It wasn't him per se. It was what he did for me and how I felt for him. He accepted me for me. He never tried to change me. And in the dream I had last night, there was Ryan was looking for me and wanting to catch up. It made me feel good to be loved for who I am. It wasn't Ryan I was thinking of. It was the relationship and how I felt around him that came to mind. I'm just tired of being single. I want a relationship where I am accepted for who I am. I want a relationship where we can watch and enjoy things together. I want a relationship where we can have a good time. I want someone to flirt with me and love me for who I am. And in my mind, it's friendship I had with Ryan that best represents what I want.

Who knew the best relationship I had would be the school girl crush I had in 9^th grade?

[♪ Listening to: "My Heart Can't Tell You No" - Rod Stewart]

Damn Michael Ian Black:

I don't think anyone can hit those notes like Peter Cetera can. "If You Leave Me Now" has been ruined for me ever since this ad came out. And it's a beautiful song, too. Last night, a Fark Music thread was greenlighted with a link to a video of Chicago, with Robert Lamm on vocals, doing "Beginnings" in 1970. It was very cool to find a Chicago link on Fark at the moment. I was looking for Chicago video when I saw it. I won't get into it today, but I think if anyone ruined Chicago, it was David Foster. I have a few issues with David Foster as it is.

Well, all my classes have met at least once. Today was Golf and Digital Photography. I got a set of clubs to use for the Golf class. It's going to cost me $40.00 for the green fees. I'll need that next week. I also need to get a book for Digital Photography. I also need to download the manual for my camera. In Golf, we watched a video developed by the late Payne Stewart on golf etiquette. Photography was spent going over the syllabus and the professor showing us his digital art work. I think we IT people should be required to take those classes he teaches. If they want us to make a website, we should be able to make a decent website!

My social life got in the way of working on my Senior Project today. Wesley Foundation lunch began today. It was fun. Jessie was there before me. Lindsey wasn't there, so I called her to let her know that Jessie and I were wondering where she was. Lindsey has class before lunch! Jessie and I left her a voice mail. That was fun. Seems the Wesley Foundation is starting a small scholarship program. I took a look at the brochure. In it is a picture of us playing at Melissa's house last October. A minute or two was spent on use girls laughing at the photo. I'm in in it, as well as Lindsey. Melissa has plenty planned for us. Our makeup Braves trip will be a game against the Milwaukee Brewers. Melissa finally told me the follow-up to the Mountain Room Bar disaster from May. Our bitchy waiter (that's a nice description of him) had had a few other major complaints prior to ours. Our complaint was the final straw. The manager fired him! The little bitch has only himself to blame. A few other people at Wesley wanted to know the story of us getting someone fired. I told them the short version. Afterwards, a bunch of us went to the organization block party at the dorms and got some popcicles.

After Lindsey and I got back to our side of the campus, Jessie came back to our side in desperate search of an elective. She didn't want to take the freshman orientation class she was in. I don't blame her with the professor that was teaching the class. Long story; I'll spare ya. Lindsey and I talked her into taking an IT class. As I was helping Jessie, we walked by the CS department, where Joey got hold of me. He had me meet him to sign some thank you notes for the School of Computing. After that, we went back to the IT department to sort through last week's photos. We got in a friendly debate about why a certain photo will not be posted on the site. I finally won with my arguement with the story about my 1998 Get Leid stunt. I didn't have a change to work on my Senior Project during my free time today. I may tomorrow have a few minutes. However, I have to get this project done. It's mainly the paper that scares me. I know I'll get it done. It's just so much!

[♪ Listening to: "Wishing You Were Here" - Chicago]

I Wish I Could Tell You More…

…about the Savannah Bloggers Meetup. I just wonder where everyone was at? It ended up being just me and Gennie's family. We would have loved to have had more. Maybe next time. However, it won't be until October, after I get a bulk of my Senior Project complete. Gennie's sister, Becky, took pictures with my camera, but because of the action and lighting, they didn't come out. As soon as Gennie gets a chance to get on the computer, she'll put up the photos that she got. In addition to having dinner at the Southside Loco's, we spent the afternoon at Bonaventure Cemetery. I'm sure they got some great shots, as did I.

Tomorrow, my Golf and Digital Photography classes begin. Golf is only 7 weeks long. It ends a week after my Senior Project final paper draft is due. That will free up several hours on Mondays in October for me to continue work on the project before the whole is due. I fear I'm going to kill myself this next month or so. I fear I'm not going to get the project done. It's not the paper that scares me; it's the coding that's getting to me. I hate this fear. But I know I can do it. I can get it done.

[♪ Listening to: "Magic" - Olivia Newton-John]