I Can Still Here Her Singing…

You Are My Shawnshine
My only Shawnshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my Shawnshine away.

She would sing this to me when I was younger.

Oh Momma! Why did you leave us? You weren't ready to go. We still need you.

Momma, I Know You're Here.

This picture of my mother was taken in October. The baby she's holding is the child of Trisha, the teenager we let stay in our home for three months. Trisha slept in my bed; I slept with my mother. I'm glad I did.

Well, yesterday, my dad and I called around and only found two life insurance policies on my mother when we had expected 3. They were less than we though. Life's funny. My father spoke to the insurance company today. He found out one policy was actually 5 times more than we thought it was. That's good. I know my mother must had have a hand in working this out for us.

Nicki also got news today that Musicland, Inc, is closing Media Play at the end of the month. That means Nicki's got to go job hunting. Hopefully, the closing is just another gift in disguise. My sister was planning on getting another full time job, and go to Media Play part time. Maybe this is her chance to get the other job AND go back to school. She's been wanting to go back. I hope this is her chance.

We have finalized a time for a memorial service. I'm not going to post the details. If anyone wants them, please e-mail me.

I have 3 grades in for this semester already. I got an Incomplete in Calc. I'll take the exam in the spring and I'll retake the class if I get a C. I got a C in Economics. I'll take it again. My professor told me not to worry about it. Here's the shocker. You know that networking class I've been hating? I got an A in it! I don't know how that happened!

[♪ Listening to: "My Heart Will Go On (Live)" - Céline Dion]

"You Can't Lose Me"

This picture was taken by me in May in Charleston. She didn't really want her photo taken, but I convinced her to take this one for Daddy's enjoyment.

I know some people must be sick of my posts being related to my mother by now, but you know what, I don't give a damn about those people. I am grieving at the moment. We can all rely on each other to cry on in my house, but my mother was my best friend. When I was sad and needed comfort, she was there to provide it. I could really use some at this time and I don't have it, at least not physically. I know she is here spiritually with me.

I have spent most of my day making phone calls for my father. My mother told me one day that my purpose in life was to help my father when she died. I got upset with her when she said that. I always wanted to avoid talking about death with her. However, it's my job to honor that request of hers. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm trying.

This is a little selfish on my part to post, but this was one of the reasons I was always sad about not having a companion. I feared what was I going to do when my parents were gone. Who could I lean on then? I know I'm not alone at the moment. I just fear one day I will be. Losing my mother has just strengthed that fear a bit.

[♪ Listening to: "You Can't Lose Me" - Faith Hill]

My Lovely Mother.

Donna Lisabeth Korpan Latta. 1955-2005

This picture of my mother was taken at a laundromat in Essex, MD. It was the day before we left Maryland to return to Savannah. My brother took this photo with his phone. My mother didn't like her picture taken, but she softened when we took cellphone pictures.

There's an online legacy book that just opened today. It is already at three pages. It's amazing. It's so wonderful to see how many people she touched.

For those that don't know, today's my birthday. It's been awful not having my mother here cheering me up over the crying I would have been doing had she not died. I was not looking forward to my birthday.

"You Can't Lose Me"

"You Can't Lose Me"

A little girl, a little small for her age
A little too slow for the field day race
Momma's waiting at the finish line
And wipes the teardrops from her eyes
She says, "You did just fine honey, that's okay
"Sometimes life's just that way
"You're gonna lose the race from time to time
"But you're always gonna find

"You can't lose me
"Bet your life
"I am here and I will always be
"Just a wish away
"Wherever you go
"No matter how far
"My love is where you are
"You won't be lost if you believe
"You can't lose me"

Momma use to say "Girl it won't be long
'"Til it's time to go out on your own
"Chase your dreams find your place in life
"I know you'll do just fine"
When that day finally came
There were things she needed to but could not say
So I whispered softly as I wiped
The tears from Momma's eyes

"You can't lose me
"Bet your life
"I am here and I will always be
"Just a wish away
"Wherever I go
"No matter how far
"My love is where you are
"You won't be lost if you believe
"You can't lose me"

When I attended St. Mary's on the Hill Catholic School, every May we had field day at the high school. In first and second grade, I only one ribbon - a pity third place tie ribbon in the relay race. Third grade was a little more different. Yeah, I got the third place tie ribbon in the relay race. I walked away with another ribbon that day, too.

It was the potato race. I could have sworn that I had placed second in the race. Imagine how disappointed I was to see the red ribbon that meant so much to me at the time go to the redheaded Melissa! I was upset. Next thing I know, Vic's mother comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder. She asked me my name. Next thing I knew, I was being pinned with a blue ribbon. Yes, a BLUE RIBBON! I had won the potato race.

After that event, my class was walking to another event. We walked by the bleachers, where the parents were observing if they weren't assisting. As we walked by, I heard a big holler and bleachers shaking. It was Momma. She was elated to see the ribbon on me. She knew all I ever wanted at that age was a non-pity third place tie ribbon from the relay race. I know she was more elated over the win than I was.

You see, the beginning of this song, actually the whole song, describes perfectly a part of our relationship. Not only was she my mother, she was my best friend. And I was hers. The field day lines mirror those days at St. Mary's. I was the smallest girl, and I really didn't win anything. She would make me fell better after the yearly defeat. Later in life, when I was scared, she was try to flush the fears from me. I am glad I didn't go to Georgia Tech, nor moved out. I know I need my own life, but time spent on those activities were spent with her instead.

This picture I posted is one I took earlier this year. It's my parents with their baby, Gizmo. They raised that cat together.

Oh God, I'm going to miss her. Tomorrow is going to be the hardest day for me. Actually, it's hard knowing the story of the night before I was born. My mother said she was dining at Shoney's; she thought she had gas. She was in labor and had me earlier in the morning on December 7, 1978. Oh God…

[♪ Listening to: "You Can't Lose Me" - Faith Hill]

"Goodbye's (The Saddest Word)"

I never listened to this song much. I dreaded this day. I realy did.

Mamma you gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady
And mamma all you had to offer
Was a promise of a lifetime of love
Now I know there is no other love like a mother's
Love for her child
I know that love so complete someday must leave
Must say goodbye
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
Mamma you gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman
And mamma all I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me
'Cause I know there is no other love like a mother's
Love for her child
And it hurts so that something so strong
someday'll be gone
Must say goodbye
But the love you give will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will always love you till forever comes
And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there through the lonely days
I'll be there this I promise you mamma
I'll be your beacon through the darkest night
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you till forever comes
Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye
Till we meet again until then goodbye.

Dearest Momma,

I love you. I know you love me. I know you are with me.

Below is an e-mail I got from my mother this morning.

MOMENTS IN LIFE
There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!

When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

Please send this message to those people
who mean something to you (I JUST DID);
to those who have touched your life in one way or another;
to those who make you smile when you really need it;
to those who make you see the
brighter side of things when you are really down;
to those whose friendship you appreciate;
to those who are so meaningful in your life.

Don't count the years-count the memories...........

I Need Feedback.

Please leave a comment if you use a newsreader site or program to view my entries. If it's a site, let me know the site so I can allow images. Some sites, like Bloglines, are allowed to pull images from my server, but others are not. I don't mind people seeing my images, but so long as they are viewing my content.

Just something I thought I'd ask.

"Tous Les Blues Sont Écrits Pour Toi"

I was asked tonight why I was in Columbia, SC yesterday. I provided company to my mother when she took Beth and her friends to a MC Chris concert. Let's just say he's not my cup of tea. He's a dirt mouth. Yet, Beth and her friends enjoy the music and the experience meant something to them.

As they were at the concert, my mother and I stayed at the hotel, after the previous mentioned dinner. It was during one of our times between the venue and the hotel that I remarked that Columbia looked nice and maybe I could get a job there. My mother said I should stay here. She remarked there is no such thing as going home. If I moved from Savannah, I'll miss it.

Yes, I would. But I don't think she understand the sense of beauty and home I felt in Columbia. Being a military brat, I don't really have a hometown. I was born in Nashville. After a stint in Kansas as a baby, I spent 8 years in Augusta, GA, followed by 4½ years in Fayetteville, NC. It was around my 15^th birthday we moved here to Savannah. Many of my formative years were spent in the Fall Line region. Something in me felt at home last night seeing the Columbia skyline and the rolling hills.

I'm not saying I plan on moving to Columbia. I really rather stay in Savannah. I do know this place the longest and the best. Still, there's a stirring in my soul that wonders where do I belong. One day, I'll find it. I know I will.

[♪ Listening to: "I Like The Way" - Darren Hayes]