I have to be honest. Since I moved here to Atlanta, I have been depressed. I miss my family and the life I had in Savannah. It may not have been much, but it was mine. I don't feel like this life here is my life. I don't feel like myself.

Hopefully, I can get help on one front tomorrow when I go to the doctor's office. I have an appointment tomorrow to take care of one health issue. Maybe I can get another one taken care. As a result of getting that issue taken care of, I can get some grip on my depression. Some people suffering from depression don't believe in medicine or resufe to take it since it won't cure depression. I do believe in it. It won't change who I am, but it will help me a bit with managing my depression. I know it won't cure it.

I sat down and finished Finding Home: An Imperfect Path to Faith and Family by Jim Daly yesterday. I read most of it around noon. The book is suppose to be inspiring. If Daly can survive all that stuff and still be an optimisic, God-inspired person trying to serve for the great good of humanity and God, then anyone can pull through. God is with us all. Yet, I just bawled as I read the book. He lost his mother at age nine of colon cancer and by that age, had only his siblings to fight for him and care for him. His father was a lost soul. His stepfather was basically useless. And yet through it all, he kept hoping life would get better and that it would get better. Well, many themes and issues in it hit a little too close to home for me.

Thankfully, Joey returned my call from earlier, saving me from the book and my crying. The other night, when he was sounding blue, we agreed that if he was in the mood, we'd go to see The Dark Knight. So, I drove down to his place to spend time with him. We first watched Batman Begins. I hadn't seen that one, yet, and I wasn't going to see the new one without knowing the whole story. So, he grabed his DVD and we watched it prior to going to the theater.

I was hoping that the movies would get me out of my funk. My father and Joey both love to quote to me from Batman Begins the line about falling down. They are so much alike that at times, it isn't funny for me. So, I thought maybe there would be some message I would get out of the films. I didn't. I enjoyed them, but they didn't make a huge impact on me. In fact, The Dark Knight was a little too long for my liking. Even Joey made a remark about it being too long. After the movie, we were going to have dinner, but we got full off the popcorn and Coke we had at the movie. I stuck around for a bit to watch TV with him, but neither one of us really talked. We talked, but not like we normally do. I think this is because we both are facing our own little demons and depressions to content with. We can't help the other one at the moment.

After I got home last night, I finished the book. I went back to bawling. It just had me thinking about why I'm going through what I'm going through right now. It had me thinking why am I a little more emotional and open than others. Why am I moody? I had even expressed to Joey again last night that I wish I were a cold, heartless bitch. He told me to quit wishing I were something I'm not. I just know I'm tired from all this emotional stress of the past year.

[♪ Listening to: "Sister Golden Hair" - America]

Posted by Shawn at July 20, 2008 1:16 PM in General.