I sure do. That is if it hasn't already crashed around me, and I'm blind to it.

Monday night was a horrible night. I went to bed crying. Everything single emotion and thought going on in my head hit me all at once. I'm scared of what to do next. I'm sad that I have nothing to gun for at the moment. I'm afraid of being alone. I know that this Christmas season is going to be a lonely one for me. I hate when I get this way.

It carried over to yesterday, and in a big way. I'm not going into details, but I will admit I did something I never thought I had in me. At one point, Lindsey and I went to the mall in an attempt to cheer me up. I even got a makeover, too, but that didn't last too long. I cried the makeover away.

I feel somewhat better at the moment, but I still feel like my world is going to crash. I wish I could shake the feeling. Last night, I told my father I feel like God is taunting me and using me as a toy. Seems like every time my life is about to work out, it crashes down on me. I don't know if I'm blind or that naïve or what.

Today, I ended up going to the gym. I have my final class at 4:30. Exciting.

[♪ Listening to: "I Hope You Dance" - Lee Ann Womack]

Posted by Shawn at December 12, 2007 3:45 PM in General.