The closer I get to graduation, the more I nervous breakdowns I will have. And last night, before bed, and this morning, after I woke up, I had one. It was the same one, just interrupted by sleep. It's scary to know I don't know what's ahead of me. I have so many emotions running through my head at the moment. And I don't have a single person to express these feelings to. Sure, I know I'm not alone. I know I have friends. But I don't feel comfortable to express all these feelings of insecurity and self doubt to them. And I cry because I have to keep these feelings to myself. I can't express these feelings to my father. He has his own issues and just can't cope with mine. I miss my mother. I miss having her around and just listening to me and encouraging me. Any one want to leave me a virtual hug?

So, what brought this on? Yesterday, I had to turn in the draft of my senior project report. It sucks, but it's 130+ pages and done. One of my classmates remarked that by turning it in and being near finished with our work, we've just about guaranteed graduation for us. And that scares me. Also, according to Joey's ex-girlfriends, I'm dating him. That's news to me. No, we're not dating. One dinner makes a date it does not. Hanging out !=boyfriend. Seems I have developed a reputation where I can befriend guys, but not be the girlfriend; I also make the girlfriends jealous and angry as hell. I want to know what I'm doing wrong. Why am I still single? That whole situation is just annoying. Everything is piling up. I'm more stressed out about graduation fears.

I can be quite mean to Joey, actually. Yesterday's a good case in point. I made a trip to Target with my friend, Wes. I bought an air freshener for the ACM room and foot spray. Why? Because Joey's feet stank and it was driving me nuts. In most cases, I would have done nothing and put up with it.

Tonight, I have an exam in E-Commerce. I fear that class might drive me bonkers. We've know about our group project for a week, and nothing's been done about it. And against my good judgment, I'm the group leader. Yea! More stress for me.

I guess I'll shut up and do the Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Women-- buy more cars than men? True or false? Heck, I have no clue; I'm just curious about your opinions... Well, I did work with this women for 2 years that went through 3 cars in that span.

Twosome: or-- Jo~Ann or Michaels? Which place would you use to buy your crafty stuff? I mean, Christmas is coming and gift cards would be lovely; let's get the word out now <g>! I go to A.C. Moore.

Threesome: Men-- are better chefs than women? Bobby Flay or Rachel Ray? True or false? Sure, you can go all Food Network if you'd like (Paula can make my dessert any day; butter, butter, butter!), but who's grilling your ribs? I don't have the time nor the space to learn to cook. The last people that cooked for me were my dad, Joey, and Lindsey and Chris. Later this month, Melissa and her husband Chris will be making a Wesley Foundation dinner. One of my goals in life is to get my own place so I can learn to cook on my own.

Posted by Shawn at October 4, 2007 12:42 PM in General, Schooling, Thursday Threesome.