I had a crappy day today. I ended up having an "emergency" meeting with the counselor. I told him all about the conflicts of my heart versus the conflicts of my mind. He just let me cry and get it out. He also told me what I knew was the truth and that if need distance, to take it. He suggested that maybe I should do some volunteer work. He thinks that would be good for me. He also suggested I but some flowers in memory of my mother. So, after my final class, I got in my car and went to Kroger. I bought these flowers. I don't believe they are daisies, but they were the closest ones I could find. My dad has them out in his trailer at the moment, to keep them away from the cats.
I shared with him the lyrics of Chely Wright's "Unknown." I told him that being alone is my biggest fear. As long as I had my mother, I didn't have to face the fear. I would cry to my mother that I was scared what I would do if I didn't have my parents. Now that she's gone, I only have my father left. I should have him around for a while, but I fear what's going to happen to me after he's gone. I don't want to be unknown, alone.
Once I got home, the family, plus a few of Nicki and Beth's friends, went to dinner in honor of my mother's birthday. We had a nice time, but still, it was sad. My mother should be here for us.
My actual classes were fine today. No one was really active today. I just muttered answers under my breath, Unfortunately, I was the only one that made any noise. 
[♪ Listening to: "Perfect Lie" - Sheryl Crow]
And Momma, could you please help me? Could you please talk to the Big Guy and see if he can't help me get my life to work out as I want it to be, soon. I'm sure he knows I'm a good girl. And Momma, I love you. 
Posted by Shawn at January 17, 2006 10:40 PM in Flickr Photos.
