Last night was a night I really needed my mother. I wanted to tell her how my day at school was. I wanted to cry on her when I found out something last night that ended up depressing me. But guess what? She wasn't there. I lost it. I'm am just full of anger right now that I don't want to turn into hate. Really, it's so tough. My mother would let me get it out and show me why I shouldn't hate.

Last night, I ended up calling one of my mother's oldest friends. I hadn't spoken to her in years. I just needed someone to talk to. Actually, all of my mother's friend said if I need anything, to call them. I think they are aware that my mother was my best friend. I love my family, but no one else can do the job of my mother.

Just before I went to sleep, I started thinking. I hope when I get married, my mother-in-law, if she's alive, is a nice woman that is willing to adopt me as her own. My mother and Grandma never got along well. I don't want that for me. I hope I get a mother-in-law that sees the sweet, simple person I really am. I hope she sees a girl that still needs and wants motherly advice. I hope she sees me not as a girl stealing her son, but as a new daughter.

Tonight, I have a date. It's a date with my father. We're planning on watching Apollo 13. He's going to bring in his surround sound system from the trailer, hopefully. Then, we're watching the movie in its IMAX version on the HDTV of his. At least my dad is a good man. There are good men out there, but it seems none interested in me like I wish. Whoever I end up with, he'll need to love all of me. He'll need to be strong enough to help me through my problems. He'll accept me for who I am. To paraphrase Alanis, "[He'll] see all my light and [he'll] love my dark."

Well, I need to be going. I have to see a professor in an hour.

[♪ Listening to: "You Keep Me Hangin' On" - Kim Wilde]

Posted by Shawn at January 13, 2006 9:56 AM in General.