This picture was taken by me in May in Charleston. She didn't really want her photo taken, but I convinced her to take this one for Daddy's enjoyment.
I know some people must be sick of my posts being related to my mother by now, but you know what, I don't give a damn about those people. I am grieving at the moment. We can all rely on each other to cry on in my house, but my mother was my best friend. When I was sad and needed comfort, she was there to provide it. I could really use some at this time and I don't have it, at least not physically. I know she is here spiritually with me.
I have spent most of my day making phone calls for my father. My mother told me one day that my purpose in life was to help my father when she died. I got upset with her when she said that. I always wanted to avoid talking about death with her. However, it's my job to honor that request of hers. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm trying.
This is a little selfish on my part to post, but this was one of the reasons I was always sad about not having a companion. I feared what was I going to do when my parents were gone. Who could I lean on then? I know I'm not alone at the moment. I just fear one day I will be. Losing my mother has just strengthed that fear a bit.
[♪ Listening to: "You Can't Lose Me" - Faith Hill]
Posted by Shawn at December 8, 2005 3:08 PM in Memories.
Shawn, I'm so very sorry to hear that you have lost your mother.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.
Posted by: Susie at December 8, 2005 3:37 PMDon't worry about what other people think regarding what you choose to post about. You just lost your mother. Though I doubt any of us has a problem with it. Personally, I want you to say what you have to say about it. This is something that is never going to be easy to deal with, and the purpose of a journal is to get thoughts out.
I don't want to make you feel worse but having a companion doesn't take the place of your parents. I might be married and have a daughter and know that I won't be alone when my parents pass away, but I don't have any idea how I'll find the strength to go on without them there.
Well, I didn't plan on this being that long. I'm still thinking about your family and praying for you.
-L.
Posted by: Laura at December 8, 2005 3:46 PMI am so glad that you called me last nite. I wish I was closer to be there for you and your family. I never know the right things to say, but I am here if you need me. I told you to call me anytime you want or need too. I will always be here for you. I really miss your mom. She was a good person. And you know she always put her kids first. She loved you more than you will ever know. Losing a parent is so hard. Losing Susan was so hard on us last year. Just know that you have a friend here when you need me. We are family. I love you all. Will keep praying for you and you, Uncle Steve, Beth, Nikki, and Matthew. Wish I could do more. Call me if you need me.
Posted by: Seglenda at December 8, 2005 4:37 PMI am so sorry to hear about your mother. Please know you are in my thoughts, but most importantly my prayers.
Posted by: Mark at December 8, 2005 6:30 PMHello Shawn,
I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear about your mother and what your going through. Your whole family is in my prayers. If there's anything you need let me know.
Love, Betsy
Posted by: Betsy at December 8, 2005 8:32 PMHey Shawn,
Just wanted to check back in on you.. I thought about you a lot today. I don't think you should worry about what anyone thinks this is your blog and it's great therapy.. I never had a mother like you do that was my best friend, I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling now.
Take care, and know time will heal..
anyone who tells you "omg, enough already" or whatever else they might say clearly demonstrates exactly how mature they really are! goodness. have people really been complaining about things like that??
anyway, i don't care how many posts you dedicate to your mom. you do what you have to do grieve and find a way to move on.
besides, this is your blog, isn't it? you shouldn't ever have to apologize for feeling your loss.
Posted by: misbah kyrene at December 8, 2005 9:39 PMYour place, your posts. We'll grieve for you while you grieve for her...
Posted by: dan at December 9, 2005 12:37 AMDear Shawn, I know I haven't been online regularly these past couple of months, but I want you to know that you have my most sincere condolences for your loss. Losing someone you love isn't easy--and anyone telling you what to post or not to post in your blog clearly does not understand/is not sympathetic to the situation. I think you honor your mother much with the past few posts. Meanwhile, try to take care and take it easy...
Posted by: sya at December 9, 2005 1:03 PMThank you everyone. I plan on getting back to everyone personally. No one has said anything yet, thank goodness, but I am just not in the mood to handle any retards that may.
Posted by: Shawn at December 9, 2005 4:31 PM
