If you aren't in the mood to be depressed, don't bother reading this.
I know I need to get off the pity potty and just start living life for what I can get out of it. After all, that's the whole point of my new writing, "Just Listen To Your Soul." I don't like being a person that cries at everything. I like to thing I can be a strong person. So, I shouldn't let a song make me cry.
But I am. 
It started last night when I was listening to "Magic." I got caught up in the following lyrics:
And if all your hopes survive, destiny will arriveWhy I let it get to me, I don't know. Well, I take that back, I do.
I'll bring all your dreams alive, for you
I feel like love is something I'm never going to have. I just feel like no one is ever going to look at me and thank me for loving them. I feel like I'm never going to get to do the same.
It wasn't even the lyrics that got me crying today. It was a look in the mirror brushing my teeth about 20 mintues ago. For once, I saw a glance of how beautiful I can be. I started thinking, "Why doesn't anyone see me like this? Am I meant to be along forever?"
The protective side of me pops out to tell me I'm only 24.25 years old. I still have time. Then, I see other people my age with someone that cares for them, be they single or married, and I wonder "What's wrong with me?" again.
When will I get it that I need to stop this stuff from affecting me?
The plus side of all this crying? Well, I'm wearing my contacts so I don't need eye drops for them. 
Well, I think I'm going to see what courses are in the music department. Maybe I can place all my frustrations of being a single soul into a few songs! 
Posted by Shawn at March 14, 2003 5:16 PM in General.
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. ::hugs:: I wish I had the magic answer, but I don't. Music is a good outlet.
Shawn, wanting someone to share your life with is not an absurd request. Don't feel guilty for wanting someone in your life. It's a normal want/need.
Is online personals an idea? I met my hubby that way. I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: RLS at March 14, 2003 6:32 PMHey R! Thanks for the words. As for the personals, I don't think I'm personally abel to do that.
Posted by: Shawn at March 15, 2003 12:19 PMI'm going to tell you the same thing I tell my younger sister. It'll happen when you least expect it. I used to think I was destined to be alone, too. Lucky me, I met my husband in an IRC chat room. Neither of us were "looking". We just chatted and immediately hit it off. Tomorrow will be our third year wedding anniversary. 
I'm sure somewhere out there is a person just right for you.
Geri, thanks for the comment. I try to tell myself most days it will happen when it happens. Don't rush it into happening, just let it happen. And for the most part this year, I have been good about it. Just Friday, I lost it. It's not the first time and won't be the last.
