"So tell me what is wrong with me? / I'm the girl with everything / So why am I not strong enough? / I want to be strong enough" - "In This Skin" - Jessica Simpson
I heard “Even the Nights Are Better” on my radio on the way home from work today. I started laughing. It reminded me of an entry I wrote about 3 years ago on October 6, 2007:
The other night, “All Out of Love” came on my iPod in the car. Joey and I were on the way to Kroger. When the song came on, I started laughing. Joey wanted to know what was so funny to me about the song. I explained it wasn’t the song, but what memory it brought back to my mind.
If you don’t know it by now, Nashville, TN is my hometown. It’s where my grandparents lived. It’s where my parents grew up. It’s where I was born. While I only lived in Nashville as a baby, I have plenty of memories of that place from all the times I visited the city. Grandmother lived in South Nashville. Grandma and Grandpa lived in East Nashville. And how my parents met at school in Gallatin, I don’t know. But they did. Well, being that my family lived in 2 different parts of town, we did a lot of traveling between the two parts of towns. Usually, my family stayed at Grandmother’s and drove to Grandma and Grandpa’s. The route we took usually had us get on I-24 at Murfreesboro Rd. and take it “west” to Shelby Ave. During the trip, I-40 and I-65 meet up with I-24.
As a young child in the early 1980s, I recall after I-65 and I-24 meet up, there was this billboard for Twitty City. The thing was for up for years. On it was this big picture of Conway Twitty and this knockoff of Tweety Bird. It was a benchmark to denote we were close to our exit on the Interstate. At the same time, Air Supply was big on the radio. I recall hearing their music as a child. I had also seen them a few times on TV. In my child mind, at times, I thought Russell Hitchcock was Conway Twitty. In due time, I realized they were 2 different people. But when you’re 3-4-years-old, they are the same guy by virtue of having the same hairstyle! I cant listen to Air Supply, even to this day, without ever seeing the Twitty City billboard of my childhood. When I explained this story to Joey, he laughed. He could see how, as a child, I could confuse the two.
I know the billboard is long gone. Conway Twitty’s been dead for years. However, I’d like to see that billboard once again. I’d like to remember the times when I was a young, innocent girl that had a interesting mind. Those memories of the early 1980s are sweet and dear to me.
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And even at age 31, I STILL see Conway Twitty when I hear Air Supply.
Listening to: “If Every Time” – Evan and Jaron with Jason Schiff
I’m currently talking to my friend, Betsy. She’s an online friend I’ve had forever. We met online over our love of *NSYNC. She was a Lance girl. I was into JC.
So, I decided to catalog all the concerts I have been to ever since my first one. My first concert was to see Richard Marx here in Atlanta at Chastain Park. I’ve seen many acts, since. Links are to the photos I have on my Flickr account. I still have some more photos I could find and scan.
So, I’m watching the Atlanta Braves game on TV. I wish I was there in person, but I have no one to go with me to the games. I hate the travel to and for to the ballpark. In the background, I heard this song:
Cheezy? Yes! Awesome? Yes! It just has that je ne sais quoi quality about it.
Anyways, when I was about to graduate college, I was severally depressed. I latched onto this song and had it on repeat. Joey got on me about being depressed. He learned quickly when I was depressed and when I wasn’t.
There are certain things he never understood about me. I knew I was depressed. And sometimes, when I get depressed, I will play a song over and over again. There is usually something in that song that resonates with me. That bit of the song is something I listen to to remind myself things will be better or that I am not alone in how I feel.
And at that time, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” just happen to have lyrics that got through to me:
“Someday love will find you / Break those chains that bind you [...] True love won’t desert you”
Depression and my emotions are chains that bind me and get me so angry, sad, and worrisome. And when I am like that, sometimes, it’s hard to get me to return. And for some reason, the song was reminding me that I would get out of my depression. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would happen in time.
Another song he got on me for having on repeat was “I’m With You” by Avril Lavigne. He told me to turn off that fairytale. I ignored him. The music soothed me, along with the lyric “It’s a damn cold night / Tryin’ to figure out this life.” I was having a bad night and I was trying to understand my path in life. I felt the song perfectly fit my mood that night.
Music gets to me a lot, for some reason. Sometimes, it pulls out emotions I didn’t even know I was feeling. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I heard a version of “Moon River” on my satellite radio. Even after I parked my car, I stayed until the song ended. Once it was over, I came in the apartment, called my father, and just broke down crying. My father figured it out once I told him about “Moon River” being written by Johnny Mercer. He figured out I must have been missing my mother.
So if I get lost in a song, let me be lost. I’m usually not lost; just trying to find myself again.
It has been a while since I went on a true vacation. Everything else has been holiday related, or short trips to and fro.
This year, I went to Missouri. While there, I visited friends, family, and saw some attractions.
The first half of the trip was spent in Kansas City. While there, I saw a Royals game, the Kansas City Zoo, and other stuff. We stayed with my friend, Liz, at her home. Also while out there, we visited my aunt and uncle. They gave us a few items, including a Canon AE-1. I think the camera belonged to my late uncle. I wish we had more time out in Kansas City.
We also stopped a many other places and took photos.
For baseball, we had a 1-1 record. The Royals lost; Cardinals won.
And now, I am back in Georgia. I return to work tomorrow. I would have gone back today, had I not had a bad case of swollen ankles when I went to bed last night.
For my holiday weekend, I went home to Savannah. I didn’t see any of my friends. I feel bad, but for me, this past weekend was a Me Vacation. I just needed solitary time down there.
Saturday, my father and I went down to the Smallest Church in America and toured the perimeter ruins of Harris Neck Army Airfield. The weather in the region was cooler than normal for this time of year, but even with temps of 86°F, it was took hot to tour the place on foot. Until this weekend, neither my father, nor I, even knew about Harris Neck AAF. As we were driving around the wildlife refuge in its place, we noticed a vast part of deteriorating asphalt. I joked it was an abandoned airfield, before we read the marker about it.
See, you learn something new everyday.
Prior to going home for the rest of the day, I stopped and got a picture of The Wienermobile. It was in Savannah over the weekend.
I spent the evening of the 4th at the SavannahSandGnats game. The team won against the Rome Braves, 1-0. It was a short game, so we had to wait a bit for post-game fireworks. The game was a blast, and weather was perfect. That was the only time I was wish I had been hanging out with a friend, but it’s not the end of the world.
The only problem I had at home was finding out about a charge the city added to the water bill down there. To me, it’s a stupid charge and the city is just trying to charge you for any and everything they can get away with. I can’t call the city a Fascist town because there is too much liberalism in the government. However, I can’t call it a Socialist city, either. I think the government is composed of people that take the horrid extremes of both sides of the spectrum and apply them to how the city operates. Maybe if the people of the city kept their noses in their own business and not dictated how everyone should live, the town would be better off than it is. If I ever did move back to the Savannah area, it would definitely not be in the Savannah City limits.
I came home yesterday. I took my time and just stopped and took photos of other parts of Georgia. I would have returned to work today, but Nicki and I had car issues today. I had to stay home to take care of that. What fun that was. My father and I are working on getting the vehicles repaired, but I am going to have to bit a bullet soon and get a new car. I don’t even know where to begin.
Listening to: Chicago -”If She Would Have Been Faithful”
It’s because I user Twitter a lot now. Are you following me on Twitter?
I am currently listening to music on my new laptop as I watch the Dodgers play the Yankees and the Yankees are not having a good defense inning.
I have just been busy with work and life.
Today, Nicki and I went to IKEA and the World of Coca-Cola. IKEA was just a quick trip that ended up being a long lunch and some shopping. We went window shopping and found a cheap bed frame that Nicki would like.
We went to the World of the Coca-Cola to see its World Cup exhibit. They currently have a 3D movie, as well as Zakumi, the mascot. Since I was already at IKEA and wasn’t expecting WoCC like we did, I only had the Polaroid i1037 camera on me. Nicki decided to get this photo taken:
Next weekend, I will be going home to Savannah. I hope to hit up a SavannahSandGnats game while in town. That will probably be on the 4th of July. I really want to see the animals at home and just tour around, when not helping my dad.
Monday, June 7th, 2010 / Life / Author: Shawn / Comments Off
That line from “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum sticks out to me. Right now, I’m hurting instead of feeling nothing at all. I repeatedly told someone in my past that I wish I was a cold hearted bitch. My problem is I feel too much. When I tell people that, they tell me not to change. Most people tell me they wish there were more people like me in the world.
However, from my end, sometimes, it sucks to me. It hurts to be the kind and nice person and never get anything in return. In the end, it turns me into a bitter person. How come I never get what I give? What’s wrong with wanting a fraction of that?
I’m upset right now due to a dream I have last night. In the dream, I got to get my feelings off my chest. I didn’t get the apology I want, but I got to say what I what was on my mind. I guess, in a way, I got to belittle a person that needed it. I’m in a bad mood because now that I am awake and in the real world, I won’t have the chance to say what I want to say.
Subconsciously, I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…
Listening to: John Mayer – “Half of My Heart” (with Taylor Swift)
Right now, living in an apartment, I live a comfortable life. However, if I want to ever get my own home, I feel like I will never get there.
Half the problem is figuring out where I want to live. After living here nearly 2 years, I still debate on staying in Atlanta or moving home to Savannah. Everyone wants me to stay here in Atlanta. They feel it’s for the best. However, part of me wants to go home.
I miss Savannah. I miss my friends and family there. I miss being able to go to South Carolina and Florida whenever I want to.
However, Atlanta’s a nice place, too. It’s close to Alabama and Tennessee. There’s plenty here that Savannah does not offer.
Maybe if I had friends in the Atlanta area, I wouldn’t feel this way. Half my problem is I don’t have the energy to meet people. Besides, at my age, it’s hard to make friends. Most people my age have kids or a significant other - things I lack. Kind of hard to relate to that.
I need to go to bed is what I need to do. Things will work out when they are ready. They always do.
I went to Augusta this weekend for the Augusta State University Commencement ceremony. Nancy, a long time family friend, graduated from college. Compared to all the ones I’ve attended to at Armstrong, this one was different.
It’s funny how your closest friends think just like you. During the ceremony, the Commencement Speech, delivered by a graduating student, rubbed me the wrong way. Not to totally picked on the girl who gave the speech, because I understand completely what a big deal it is to get your life how you want it and then getting a degree, it was a big moment for her. I’m sure she gave her heart in that speech. But the members of the faculty that chose that speech must not have been thinking.
It was a not an inspirational speech. It was a giant ad for ASU. I took nothing away from it. Neither did anyone one else I knew. None of us liked it. After the ceremony, the bad speech was the first thing we talked about. I really think those that chose the speech chose it to boot their own egos.
Just before I left Augusta for the weekend, I made a quick stop over by Regency Mall. Regency is where we did most of the mall shopping when I was a kid. Today, is a dead mall. It is shuttered up and nature has taken over the land. Actually, most of the parts of South Augusta that I saw were quite sad. It seems people have been moving out of it and abandoning a lot of buildings. That which has survived don’t offer much. It looks quite poor and tired. Banks have been replaced with title loans. Shopping centers empty. Shuttered car dealerships. And then the pièce de résistance: Regency Mall. I wonder if there is any way to revive South Augusta.
Also on my trip, I stopped in the towns of Thomson, Crawfordville, and Madison. I want to tour some antebellum part of middle and southwest Georgia now. I also want to visit Augusta again, mainly downtown.
She was a Lance girl. 
I was into JC.
My father and I are working on getting the vehicles repaired, but I am going to have to bit a bullet soon and get a new car. I don’t even know where to begin.
